Thoughts on Motherhood Thus Far

The other day someone came up and told me “I love seeing all your posts about your baby. You make motherhood look easy!” I responded, “I don’t know about easy, but I am convinced that it doesn’t have to be hard.” I am not entirely sure why, but even writing that is hard for me. Perhaps it is because I have seen and read so many posts about the opposite, that being a mom is super hard. Perhaps it’s hard for me to write that motherhood hasn’t been hard for me because I am concerned that some people will think I’m not telling the full truth. Perhaps I fear people will be offended because their experiences have been contrary to mine. So I just want to make it clear that all moms are amazing. It doesn’t matter whether you breastfeed or feed your child formula, get your child on a schedule or let your child’s cues lead, have your child sleep with you or let them cry it out and sleep train. None of those matter when it comes to the quality of a mother that you are. As mothers, we love our children and are doing our best. So, you’re amazing, mama. And your child is beyond blessed that YOU are their mother.

I am so so grateful to have my mom as a resource during my transition into motherhood. Her God-given gift is mothering. It’s amazing. I literally want to do exactly as she did when it comes to how she mothered and raised me and my siblings. She has loved me passionately and with all that she is. She has taught me so so much. One of the greatest things she has taught me is that children can actually be enjoyed. They do not have to be a burden or an overly difficult responsibility. Raising a child is indeed a great responsibility! As a mom who had four children 5 years old and under, one who was born preemie, and had twins (one of which was born with a rare and life-threatening liver disease that had her in and out of the hospital for multiple surgeries and procedures), my mom has experienced difficult times when it comes to mothering. While health problems are a whole other issue, she says that she genuinely enjoyed raising us. That we were a gift and a blessing to her. That she trained all of us to be good sleepers, to obey, and to exercise self-control. And because of that, we were all genuinely the happiest kids she knew. This is how I desire to raise my son and future children.

The Bible teaches us that  “Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.” (Psalm 127:3). My son is literally a gift from God to me. Eliam is a reward for me from God. God’s gifts are ALWAYS good. God’s gifts are always to be enjoyed. God’s gifts truly are BLESSINGS. Sure, they also come with responsibility. And stewarding the gift of a child also requires sacrifice. But I don’t believe they require as much sacrifice as one might think. At the beginning, sleep is a big sacrifice required. The first month or so a baby is transitioning from being in the womb to life outside. They need to eat often so you’re up every several hours throughout the night to feed. And even though people told me to sleep when Eliam slept, I didn’t end up napping because he was just too cute and all I wanted to do was stare at him haha. But right away, I got him on a feeding schedule. While I was pregnant, I was talking to my mom about schedules and asking her when I should start to get him on a sleep schedule. She told me that to get him on a good sleeping schedule, I actually need to focus on getting him on a feeding schedule and sleep will follow. So from the beginning (day 4ish) I fed Eliam every two hours. Sometimes he would sleep longer than two hours, so I would wake him up after 2.5 hours and feed him to keep consistent. And sometimes he would cry after only an hour and nothing we did calmed him or got him to sleep. So instead of giving in to what may have been easiest, letting him eat more, we let him cry, trusting my mom that establishing a feeding schedule would create a good sleeper in the long run. This is what we did and for the first month, we were getting 4-6 hour stretches of sleep at night. Month two, I stretched his feedings to every three hours. His body adapted to the new schedule and he continued to learn to self-soothe. By the end of this month, he was sleeping through the night, for 10-12 hours. At this point, we no longer had to work at sleep training. A routine was established, and as my mom told me it would, a good sleeper followed getting him on a feeding schedule.

I love being a mom. I love spending time with my sweet boy. I love seeing his face light up when I get him up from nap. I love hearing him giggle after he is startled (even though I am not sure why being startled is so funny?). I love breastfeeding (now that it’s no longer painful…haha). I love looking into my son’s sweet, pure, and innocent eyes. I am so beyond grateful to be able to stay home with Eliam. It is truly a gift that I do not take for granted. I love spending every single day with my son and living life with him. Another thing that is a big value of mine is the belief that life doesn’t stop or end when we have kids. Mothering is part my world revolving around Eliam and part his world revolving around me. I can do just about any and every thing that I did prior to having Eliam. For example, I played basketball two mornings a week before he was born, so now I bring him with and he gets to hang in his stroller while I play and get some exercise. Ethan and I went to drive-in movies before we had a baby, so when we wanted to go to a drive-in movie when Eliam was 2 months old, we packed him up and went. Sure, he could have screamed the entire time and everyone could have been annoyed by our crying baby. BUT he also could have been a perfect angel baby. We chose to believe the latter and that’s what ended up happening. I am so grateful we didn’t give in to fearing the worst, but instead chose to believe the best. We each got to hold Eliam as he slept on us, then we put him in the cab so Ethan and I could snuggle in the back of the truck together. We had a special time together that night (:

I don’t ever want to make decisions out of fear. I don’t want to not do something because I fear the outcome. I will not let fear have any influence over my decision making, especially when it comes to how I parent. My desire is that Eliam will grow up confident, filled with faith, and believe that anything is possible. I desire to be an example in this and demonstrate such faith myself. The reason I can refuse to give in to fear of all kinds is because I know God loves me and loves my son even more than I do. I believe this from the depths of my being. So when fearful thoughts enter my mind, it is so so important to me to stop them in their tracks and declare TRUTH instead. It’s hard to enjoy life when fear is prevailing in our minds. It’s hard to enjoy motherhood if my mind is constantly filled with fear for my child’s safety or the outcome. But when God’s perfect love, that casts out fear, is present in my mind, it’s hard not to enjoy life! I have a choice and I will continue to have this choice in every moment of motherhood – will I choose to parent out of faith or fear?

I don’t have to be perfect to be an amazing mom. Life doesn’t have to be trial-free to be enjoyed. Motherhood doesn’t have to be easy to not be hard. I believe that something good will (eventually) come out of everything that we face. I believe that joy can be found in every situation. I believe that children are a blessing and a gift. I believe that motherhood is to be enjoyed. <3

XOXO

Sammy Kastello