I knew who I was & I knew I was worth being pursued. God called me loved, valuable, and beautiful. I knew it was only a matter of time until God would bring a man into my life who would lay down his life in pursuit of me. I believed this because I believed God to be faithful and good. I desired to be pursued from the first moment my future husband would see me. I fantasized about the many different ways I might meet my man & how he might initiate his pursuit of me. I knew men are designed to pursue, so I decided in my heart that I would not be the one to initiate. So for years, I would stare at a cute guy from across the room (& of course look away the second he even remotely looked my way) & hoped that he would introduce himself to me. There were several times that a friend (or my mom- she’s my bestie) told me to just be confident and introduce myself. Ya, no way jose. He is supposed to come up to me! So time after time, I remained on the opposite side of the room and hoped he would notice me. And if I’m really being honest… I’d stare and then when he started to look my way, I would pretend to laugh at whoever I was with so that he would think that I look cute and happy…hahaha I know, kind of ridiculous, but just being real 😉
Anywho, that never worked for me. So I began to wonder where the mature young men who would pursue are. Then, a friend of mine (thanks Yumi:)) encouraged me to be confident and start introducing myself to new friends, both young men and women. She helped me realize that being genuine and meeting new people is simply being friendly. So I decided I want to be more intentional in being friendly. After all, my grandma always taught me that a stranger is just a friend I haven’t met yet. A few days later I complimented a lady in front of me in line on her boots. This sparked a conversation where I had the opportunity to chat with and get to know her a little. I complimented a few more ladies for the next two weeks. This became special and important to me because I realized more and more that everyone has a story and everyone’s story is valuable. Shortly thereafter I had my first opportunity to be “friendly” to a young man. I entered church one morning and walked to the front of the room to find a seat with my sister & friend. We found a row that was completely empty besides one young man who sat in the middle. My sister walked down the row first, me second, and my friend followed last. I still clearly remember this morning as if it were yesterday! Walking down the row I noticed that this young man was extremely handsome and thought that maybe today would be the day that I would be bold and introduce myself. Hmm… we will see. Church started & I’ll have to admit that I glanced his way the entire time during worship. Hey, I wanted to see if this guy was genuine & passionate about the Lord (which was a must for me). He passed that test as I watched him worship with his entire being and pour out his adoration to God. Woah, I think this guy is the real deal!
After worship time ended our pastor asked new visitors to raise their hands and when he raised his hand a welcome bag began to be passed down the isle to him. When it was almost to me I thought, this is my chance! I decided to hand him the bag myself instead of give it to my sister to give to him. The time came and I totally misjudged the distance so I ended up having to completely lay on my sister to be able to hand him the welcome bag. Stretched out over my sister, there was no going back. So I handed it to him and looked him right in the eye & said “welcome!” I sat back in my seat and for a moment didn’t even think about him. I had never done anything so bold in my life so I sat smiling from ear to ear because I was so proud of myself! haha. I had done my bold deed for the day & would wait to see if anything came of it after church was over (aka see if he would then introduce himself to me). Church ended and my sister, friend, and I joined everyone in filtering out of the building. As we were just about to leave my sister whispered to me, “Sammy! That guy is still sitting there, go over to him and introduce yourself!” Well, ya right! I already did my part. But maybe I’ll wait out in the lobby (of course the opposite side of the lobby) and see if he wants to come up and introduce himself to me. A few minutes later he comes into the lobby and waits in a line to learn more about our church. I literally had a battle in my mind over whether or not to go up to him– I can’t! I have to! I can’t! I have to!– this lasted for a solid two minutes as my heart pounded and I knew I had to. So I turned my mind off & walked right up to him. I’m feeling nervous even as I write this and recount on this moment because I still so clearly remember what it felt like to be vulnerable and bold in that moment. I touched his shoulder from behind to get his attention and as he turned around, I greeted him with a big smile and introduced myself to him. “Hi! I’m Sammy. I think we were sitting next to each other!” I think? Um, I mean I know because I was staring at you the whole time! hahaha.
Well, the rest is history. I married this man 14 months later & will forever be grateful both to God for inspiring boldness in me and to my friend Yumi for challenging me to be bold and friendly. God knew just what Ethan needed. As I later learned, Ethan needed me to be bold and intentional. Why? Well, a couple of years prior to our meeting, Ethan had decided that he wanted God to pick his spouse for him & had asked God to drop her right in his lap & in an obvious way. Ethan believes God did just that when I awkwardly laid across my sister to hand him the welcome bag & then when I came up to again after church. I still crack up because I can hardly believe that I did that! ha! And it’s even funnier to think that my unconventional boldness was just what Ethan needed. The beautiful thing is that after a couple moments of ME being bold, ETHAN began to pursue me. And he has not stopped pursuing me!
It is embedded in men to be pursuers. But sometimes men need a genuine, friendly, and bold encounter before they choose to pursue. I realized that being brave and introducing myself to Ethan did not make me the pursuer. He still pursued me throughout our entire relationship. It just meant that I was confident and friendly. So I challenge all of the ladies who refuse to initiate conversation with a man because of their desire to be pursued– for a moment, stop thinking of that guy as a potential spouse and view them as another human being who has a story. Be confident enough to strike up conversation and see where it goes! If nothing comes of it or if he seems uninterested, oh well! You did your part — so good job & be proud of yourself for being bold and friendly! 🙂 When the right guy comes along he will pursue you & value you & cherish you. (If he doesn’t, he’s not the right one!) He may just need a little help from a beautiful & friendly lady 😉
XOXO
Sammy Kastello
A couple of ways that Ethan pursued me while we dated long-distance:
He flew from Minnesota to California to visit me, spend time with me, & take me out on dates every few weeks 🙂
Each time that I dropped him off at the airport to fly back home, he gave me a gift 🙂
Ethan sent me this picture along with a text that read “flowers for you” when he went to a wedding in Minnesota. He would often send me texts and pictures that communicated that he valued me 🙂
