Please don’t tell me that I am the only one who would walk into church or a coffee shop (or anywhere!) and immediately scan the room for a cutie – actually not just a cutie, but a future spouse. Cause let’s be honest, from 17 years old on I wasn’t looking for a nice guy friend. No, I wanted to meet a strong, handsome, godly, genuine man who would notice me from across the room, walk over, and get down on one knee as he poured out his love for me at first sight. Okay… okay… maybe that was a little unrealistic. But he could at least come over and look deeply into my eyes and soul and ask me out. It could happen, right?
Several times a week I would come across a cute guy who looked super genuine and sweet. Then when I got home, I would announce to my family “I think I met my future husband today!” Beyond that, I would bring this new prospect to God and ask Him, “God, is he THE ONE?” I’d plan a way to see him again– he went to the 11am service today, I’ll go to that service again next week — or — I saw him at the gym on Tuesday at 8am, I’ll try again tomorrow at 8am or next Tuesday! I know this makes me sound obsessed, but I was just a girl who genuinely and deeply desired to meet and marry a man who would be my best friend. And just as quickly as a guy would catch my eye, he would UN-catch my eye if something foul came out of his mouth, or if he flirted with a ton of girls, or if he didn’t have a relationship with Jesus. Because I had very high standards for myself and I was not willing to settle ESPECIALLY when it came to who I would spend the rest of my life with. So I dreamed and hoped but at the end of the day I chose, in my heart, to give back to God each potential that came across my path.
I was focused on quickly finding out whether or not a guy was my future spouse because I didn’t want to waste my time or emotions on someone who I wasn’t even going to marry. Seemed like a good thing to me. But then a married friend of mine challenged me to view of guys in a new light. She encouraged me to give up the need to know right away and instead view each guy as a human being with whom I might actually enjoy getting to know– not as a potential spouse, but as a human. Something clicked in my head as I realized that she was right! What I thought was an innocent desire to not waste my time was actually a perspective that was stealing from me the opportunity to just relax and enjoy myself while getting to know someone. So I took her advice and tried it out when shortly after this conversation a young man approached me and shared his desire to get to know me better. To be honest, at first it was uncomfortable for me to give up the need to know if I would end up marrying him. But nonetheless, I choose (and had to choose over & over again!) to view this as an opportunity to get to know him as a person. And guess what! I felt PEACE and I had FUN with my new friend. As I spent more time with him, I saw how sweet and genuine he was. Each night I would tell God, “God, I don’t know if he is the one that you have for me, but I don’t need to know! Please continue to lead me by peace.” God was faithful and did just that. After a couple of months of getting to know this sweet man, I no longer felt peace. This didn’t make sense to me, as he was SO sweet. But when I asked God about my sudden lack of peace He just told me, “I lead by peace.” So I knew I had to have a conversation with this guy and tell him that I just wanted to be friends (although that’s all we were?! :P). That was not a fun conversation (especially when he was ready be more serious!) but I left feeling peace, though I did not understand (now that is a whole other blog post!). But God was so kind to lead me in that because exactly one week from ending things with my “special friend”, God brought my husband into my life. If I wouldn’t have trusted that God was leading me by peace, I would have missed my incredible man who is SO beyond all I prayed and hoped for!
So, sisters, I want to encourage you. God sees your desire to be married & He has a plan set in motion to fulfill that desire. But until He makes it clear to you who you will marry, give up the need to know & simply be present and open while getting to know somebody. Hold each potential before the Lord with OPEN HANDS and ask Him to lead you by peace. He will. You are loved, valuable, beautiful, and have an incredible purpose. Don’t you dare settle for a man who isn’t willing to lay down his life for you in love. Your value and destiny is too great.
XOXO
Sammy Kastello