I believe that at the core of us girls is a longing to be loved by a man who would do anything for us. We long to be romanced… flowers on our doorstep, love notes waiting for us on the dash of our car, a gentleman who asks for your dad’s permission to take you out on your first date… you get where I’m going. We want the fairy tale. A good old fashion pursuit. You need to know that this desire is GOOD. You are worth the pursuit. Sadly, somewhere along the way, people, society, or our past experiences have convinced us that the kind of man that we long for simply doesn’t exist. And if he does, we know 12 other girls who are prettier and more deserving of a guy like that than we are. We roll our eyes and tell ourselves we are being silly to think that such a guy is out there for me. “If I wait for this so-called gentleman, I’m going to end up single my whole life!” Because of these beliefs, it’s easy to settle for the first halfway good-looking guy that comes along and shows you attention. Greater than our desire to be treated with great value is a fear of never being loved at all. But what we fail to see is that if a man is loving you selfishly, he isn’t actually loving you at all.
Men were designed to pursue & women were designed to respond. Not the other way around. This doesn’t mean that women can’t be intentional and show love to a man– but it does mean that in a dating relationship, women are intentional and thoughtful IN RESPONSE to being loved & valued so well. When we were dating, Ethan and I grabbed a bite to eat with one of my good friends. My friend asked Ethan what are some things that he likes about me. He responded by saying, “I love that Sammy values herself and expects me to treat her with high value as well. As men, we typically rise or fall to the level of the expectations placed on us. If a girl is super easy to win over and doesn’t really value herself, its not likely that a man is going to go above and beyond to win her over. He doesn’t have to. But if a girl, like Sammy, values herself and has high standards for how she is to be treated, a good man will rise to the occasion and operate at that expectation, with excitement.”
What it really comes down to is, do we truly love and value ourselves? Do we know our worth and identity? If we don’t truly value ourselves, then we won’t expect a man to truly value us either. But on the contrary, if we truly know our value, we will have the expectation that a guy is to show us the same value & if he doesn’t – SEE YA! Please, don’t waste your time or emotions on someone who doesn’t genuinely show you value. Your heart is too valuable to be placed in the hands of someone who won’t cherish it. If you are confident in your worth and identity—you go girl! But if self-value & self-esteem is something that you struggle with, here is an idea of something that I did to strengthen my confidence:
This may sound silly, but go find a mirror. Bathroom mirror, car mirror, any mirror. Look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself (out lout) how precious you are. Do this every time you look in a mirror — Look yourself in the eyes and say, “I am beautiful. I am special. I love my hair and I have a cute nose. I am valuable. I am loved. I am worth pursuing. I am important to God. God has GOOD plans for my life. God loves me. I love myself. I am kind. I am strong, bold, and capable. I love [insert here more things that you love about yourself.” And if there are things that you don’t like about yourself, look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself you love those things too. The Bible says that faith comes by hearing & hearing by the Word of God. This means that if you continually tell yourself (out loud) the truth of your value, you will eventually believe it.
I am SO grateful that I was confident in myself and didn’t need a guy to affirm my value and beauty. I reminded myself of my identity when I looked in the mirror and genuinely chose to believe that I was precious. Because I had high standards and was not willing to settle, my standards were met & I didn’t have to settle. God brought Ethan into my life in His perfect timing & proved His faithfulness to me yet again. Ethan genuinely pursued my heart, protected my body by demonstrating self-control, and humbly asked God to teach him how to love me. Before I met him, I felt like it was taking forever for me to meet my future husband. But he was SO worth the wait. I’m here to tell you today that GOOD MEN DO EXIST. There is a man out there for you who will love you with all his heart and cherish you as the precious gem that you are. But you will probably have to WAIT for this guy & you will have to say goodbye to every other man that pursues your body instead of your heart. So you’ve already given in and have allowed men to mistreat you – today’s a new day! Decide that from today on you are going to intentionally improve your self-confidence by reminding yourself of your value. And then expect every man who might try to pursue you to show you the utmost value.
Your beautiful love story is in the making as you set your standards high, refuse to settle, and show yourself some love:) You are held in the highest regard in God’s eyes. You are loved, lovely, and precious. It’s just who you are!
XOXO
Sammy Kastello
“Before I formed you in your mothers womb I knew you,
before you were born I set you apart.” -Jeremiah 1:5
“You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare
the praises of Him who called you out of darkness & into His marvelous light.” 1 Peter 2:9
“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should
be called children of God! And that is what we are!” 1 John 3:1
“So then, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; what is old
has passed away– look, what is new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17
“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes
in Him should not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16