Eliam arrived last month on July 15, 2018. My heart hurts with so much love for him. Unlike anything I have ever experienced before. People keep telling me to nap when he naps… but all I want to do is stare at him! How am I supposed to sleep when my perfect angel baby is the sweetest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on?! Ok, I could go on and on about my love for him, but lets just say this- I’m obsessed with him and beyond grateful to be his momma.
I can hardly believe that just over a month ago I was pregnant! Feels like forever ago now haha. Having him out of my stomach and in my arms now is the best thing ever. Ok, here’s how it all happened…
My due date was 7/11, and though I had been having some contractions (& period-like cramping) the week prior, my due date came and went. On the evening of 7/14 contractions started coming consistently, about 8-10 min apart. I took a bath in my parents huge tub and relaxed for about an hour. All the while I continued to time my contractions. After 3 hours of these consistent contractions, I knew this was the real deal. Around 9pm I headed home to Ethan to try to get a nap in before it was go-time. I got in bed and tried to quickly fall asleep during the 7 min I had at the time in between contractions. Well… I was too excited that I was gonna meet my baby soon that I just laid there for two hours. When I realized I wouldn’t be able to sleep (at this point contractions were becoming very uncomfortable), I went downstairs and watched a movie- the Parent Trap, of course. Contractions were becoming pretty painful and as I bounced on my exercise ball, I began to question my resolve to have an un-medicated birth. But each time the thought “I don’t know if I can do this” came into my mind, I sent it right back out and decided “No, I can do this!” I wanted to labor at home as long as I could to increase my chance of having an un-medicated birth with no interventions. An hour and a half into the movie, I woke Ethan up and had him keep me company and rub my feet. After the Parent Trap ended, I was in a bit of pain, every 3-5 min. The contraction would hit pretty hard and last for about 40 seconds before it began to ease up. With each one, I just told myself that it would soon pass. I went upstairs at 3am and hopped into the shower, sat down, & turned on the heat as high as it would go and let it hit my back. This felt SO good. After an hour, we ran out of hot water and it was the saddest thing ever… I had Ethan go outside and try to play with our hot water heater to get me more hot water haha. Unfortunately, that didn’t work. So I got out and decided it was time to head to the hospital, with contractions 3 min apart for over an hour.
4:30am on 7/15 we were admitted and I was told I was 4cm dilated. I had mixed emotions about this. I was both encouraged and excited because I was officially in labor, as well as a little sad that I wasn’t farther along. (For anyone who may not already know this, you have to be dilated to 10cm before you’re supposed to push). My parents and sisters met us at the hospital and we were admitted into a room. 4:30am became 5:30, then 6:30…. and then 10:30am came and they checked me again. 6cm. I was progressing, great, but only 2cm in six hours… my mom was in labor with me for five hours total before I was born – I was really hoping my labor would be the same! Yeah, didn’t quite work out that way.. ha! Meanwhile, I had all these plans on positions to labor in that would use gravity to help things progress and get my body to speed up the process. But once I was actually experiencing painful contractions, all I wanted to do was lay in bed on my side so that I could rest in between contractions. But my labor coach (aka my mom) wouldn’t let me just lay in bed… she pretty much forced me to go for walks, bounce on the peanut ball, and do some squats to help things progress. I literally cringed and wanted to cry each time she said it was time to get up and walk again. Walking was literally the very last thing I wanted to do- it was sooo painful. But I knew she was right so I’d agree to walk for a maximum of three minutes at a time (ha). Then I would hop (ok, more like crawl) into the hospital shower and labor in there for an hour at a time while the blazing hot water beat on my stomach.
At 3:30pm I was checked again and was 7cm dilated (1cm in 5hrs…ugh). My nurse said that she could feel his sack and that it was SO close to breaking. She looked around and then with her fingers still up there, she told me to cough really hard. I did and then my water broke! Such a crazy feeling. Literally felt a huge gush- kinda cool, kinda weird. Haha. That feeling lasted less than two seconds before contractions picked up and became even more painful than they already were … which I didn’t know was possible, ouch. With each contraction, it was a mental battle for me. I wanted to cry in pain so bad, but I knew that I had to keep my mind strong and focused or else I would be overcome by pain and fear. About an hour after my water was broken, I was checked again and dilated to 9cm. My nurse told me that we needed to get baby boy slightly turned. She had me go into a “running man”position. Aka my worst nightmare that I would never wish upon my worst enemy (ok, I don’t have any enemies, but you know what I mean). The contraction pains became 10x’s more painful and I was truly near my breaking point. One contraction, I shoved my face sideways into the bed, truly not knowing if I could carry on. Just then, God gave me a picture and I saw Jesus walking on the beach toward me holding Eliam. The pain didnt stop, but that picture gave me the strength and determination to get through each contraction that followed.
Still dilated to 9cm and in that awful position, my body started to push and I couldn’t stop it. Meanwhile my nurse is telling me to wait to push – like I could help it?! Hahaha. Yeah, no. So she called for my doctor and a few minutes later my doctor and a couple more nurses arrive and got set up. I was able to get out of that position & lay on my back, slightly inclined. Again, before going into labor I had planned on using gravity to my advantage and push in a squatting position or something of the sort. All I knew is that I was not going to push while laying on my back. Well, when the time came, I didn’t care and just did as I was told haha.
5pm I started pushing. I was looking forward to pushing because I was told that pushing felt productive and therefore masked the pain. HA. Pushing was borderline the worst. There was just such a deeply uncomfortable pressure that I had to push past before there was any progress in him moving farther out. But as I took a break between contractions, I reminded myself that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. Meaning that not only can I do all things, God was also strengthening me. Another mantra that I had during my time pushing was “I do hard things”- meaning that I don’t run away or avoid doing hard things because of fear. But I face each one and do it anyways. This mantra helped keep me mentally strong. I also had worship music playing, so for each of the 2-3min breaks between contractions, my doctor and all the nurses had to listen to it as well 😉 One of my nurses actually started singing along with one of the songs! Super cool. 5:30pm came and baby’s head started to crown. They had a mirror set up so I could see everything and I was so excited when everyone told me they could see his head. I looked at the mirror expecting him to be half out of me, but all that I could actually see was a quarter-sized white thing… not the progress I was hoping for haha. About 25 minutes later baby’s head was half way out. And it remained that way for another 40 or so minutes (praise the Lord cone heads go away). The entire time pushing, Ethan held one leg up and my mom held the other. I literally could not have labored without pain meds if it weren’t for all that Ethan and my mom had done for me – deep tissue massaging my lower back during each contraction for over 12 hours (this was HUGE), encouraging me and reminding me that I could do it, feeding me ice cubes, etc.
6:33pm – Eliam Reign Kastello was born after one last push as his head then body came out. I watched in complete awe as my doctor pulled up my baby from between my legs and placed him on my chest. A moment that I will never forget. He came out crying and was the most perfect thing I had ever laid eyes on. It felt so surreal, I cannot adequately describe what I felt in that moment. Overwhelming love. I had also never been so proud of myself in my entire life. As I held my sweet boy, I cried saying “I did it. It is over. My son. My son is here”over and over again. Locking eyes with my husband while I held our baby was such a special and sweet moment.
And just like that, after years and years of desiring to be a mom, I finally am one. I have stepped into my God-given purpose and destiny. My life is so much better and my heart is even fuller than before. I can still hardly believe that I am a momma. I am blessed beyond measure, God is good.
A huge thank you to my sisters who captured these moments by picture and video (I’ll spare you all from the video;)). So so grateful for these pics <3
