Starting at age 14, there were a couple things that I just wouldn’t miss–new hallmark movies, a quiet moment to read a novel, and opportunities to hear someone’s love story. I was interested in it all. I loved hearing how two people met, what they did on their first date, and how long before they got married. More than these, I wanted to know both the HOW and the WHEN wives knew that their now-husbands were “the one”. The responses that I heard on WHEN they knew varied–one or two woman told me it was the first time they saw or met their man, others shared it was after years of being “just friends”, and then many women said the knowing came at some point while they dated. Everyone’s story is different. But each gal’s response to HOW they knew that their husbands were “the one” was the same – “I just knew!” I would smile and think that was so sweet but still wonder, BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW?? “Oh, you’ll just know”, they said.
Today I would like to share with you all my journey to knowing that Ethan was my future husband. Here’s the super summarized version- Let’s just start on the day that I met him. We met after church in the lobby (I introduced myself!) and chatted for about an hour. I had no idea that I was meeting my future husband but did notice his genuineness, handsomeness (hard to miss;)), and his confidence. After our convo he invited my sister and I out to lunch with him. He was friendly and intentional and we spent three hours sharing our hearts, testimonies, and dreams for our future. I instantly admired and respected him as he humbly shared his heart with us. Still, no idea I’d one day marry him. Leaving lunch, my sister and I waited until we were well out of the parking lot before screaming “AHH! What just happened?! AHHH!” Clearly, he left an impression 😉 We saw each other a couple more times before he flew back to his home in Minnesota. After that we began texting, then talking on the phone, and from there, facetiming every other night for many hours. Two months after we first said “goodbye” he flew in to CA to visit me and meet my family. At this point we weren’t official but had already communicated that we liked each other. We spent a week together & at the end of the week he asked me to be his girlfriend.
I’ve shared in a previous post that I had high standards and was unwilling to settle in a relationship. This remained true even after meeting Ethan. He seemed amazing and I loved what I was getting to know about him, but I still wanted to be aware of what I was learning and noticing about him in the event of any red flags. With every 5 hour facetime & each 2 day visit, came a deeper love for him and a stronger desire to marry him. I knew that I loved him just SIX weeks after we met. I loved who he was- a confident, humble, strong, and faith-filled man. I loved the openness and realness that he showed me from day one. He seemed to be all that I prayed for and more. (I didn’t tell Ethan that I loved him until he told me that he loved me a couple months into dating).
I knew I loved him and I knew that I wanted to marry him. BUT I still had no idea if I was actually going to marry him or not. I didn’t know if God had someone else for me or if Ethan would change his mind. Honestly, I went back and forth from really believing he was my future husband to literally having no idea what the outcome would be. I’d leave his presence feeling so confident that I would spend the rest of my life with him because I was completely in love with his heart, character, and radical faith. Then we’d be apart for 3-6 weeks and I’d wonder if he really was the one that God had for me. Now I do want to say that I don’t believe that for each person there is “the one” and if we miss them then we either settle or remain single for the rest of our lives. I wholeheartedly believe that we get to choose who we marry & that’s what makes them “the one”. But I had trusted God from a very young age to bring the best man that He had for me into my life in His timing. I wanted to literally be led by God into a relationship because I knew that God knows me better than I know myself & He knew what I needed more than I did!
There was one kinda crazy “confirmation” that Ethan was “the one”—Several years before I met him, I babysat one night and after the kids were in bed, I thought about my future husband and wondered what he might be like. I smiled thinking about him (as I often didJ). I started talking to God saying, “I don’t need to know who he is or when I will meet him, but I would love to learn some fun facts about him. You know who he is, will You tell me some things about him?” This was a genuine prayer that honestly wouldn’t have disappointed me if it didn’t happen. But some random things came to mind and I wrote them down. As I wrote down “loves to ski” and “size 11 shoe” I laughed at myself thinking that I was probably making all of this up. But, might as well write it all down, just in case. A few days later I completely forgot that I even did that. Fast forward three years to the night after I met Ethan. I remembered that I had written down some “random” state. So I found that journal, opened it up & saw that I had written down “Minnesota”. WOAH! I thought that was totally crazy! Some things that I wrote down matched Ethan, while others were completely random haha.
There were a few other little confirmations but honestly, the biggest confirmation of all came over time as I got to know Ethan’s heart and character. The more I got to know him, the more I was able to see that he had all of the characteristics that I wanted in a future spouse. I understood that he wasn’t perfect, but saw in him a value for hard work, a genuine heart to serve others, a passion to know God more, and a deep love for me. He encouraged & prayed for me, honored my parents, flew across the country many times to visit me, and day after day continued to choose to selflessly pursue me. What I saw in him, paired with the deep peace that I felt about our relationship, continued to lead me to believe that Ethan was God’s best for me.
So there ya have it, my story! 🙂 I never had a “light bulb” moment with sunbeams shining on him & a voice from heaven saying, “this is the man you will marry”. Instead, my journey to knowing Ethan was the one for me was a process of learning to be vulnerable, trusting my heart & future to my Heavenly Father, following peace, objectively observing his character, listening to wise council, and allowing my heart to feel the excitement that came with falling in love.
Anywho, slightly unrelated, but I’d like to leave you all with a Bible verse that I recently came across —
“Why would I fear the future? For I am being pursued only by your goodness and unfailing love.” Psalm 23:6
XOXO
Sammy Kastello
