Dating Should Be Fun! …. (Plus a little tidbit on heart checks!)

Hi gals! So you’re dating someone, huh? Awesome! Dating can be SO fun, exciting, and special as you spend this time growing closer and learning more and more about each other. Sometimes dating, especially in the church it seems, can feel as though it comes with an expectation that you must end up getting married. Almost as if you end up ending the relationship, you are thought to be that girl that either wasted her time or should have seen that coming. But I think that perspective is SO WRONG! You date someone to test the waters and see if they are someone you’d want to spend the rest of your life with. If it didn’t work out, no biggie! Now, I don’t want to make light of breakups, cause often times they are painful and hard. I am just trying to communicate that there is no need to take on any expectations that when you go on a couple dates you are pretty much saying “I do”! Dating should be light and FUN! Sure, there are times where heart checks and uncomfortable conversations are needed. But overall, is your relationship bringing you confusion, frustration, and insecurity, or an abundance of JOY, PEACE, and EXCITEMENT? If it’s overall any of the first three, I encourage you to take some time by yourself and reflect on why. Here is one example of digging into the “why” behind a fear or insecurity to hopefully help you navigate “heart checks”:

“I fear that he will change his mind about me after he says goodbye and leaves me every night” –  you may feel this way because:

1. “He seems to be more distant and has stopped going out of his way to show his affection for me.”

(If this is the case, evaluate if his character is one you would like to continue to spend your time with and emotions on. If doing this makes you realize that he is a lot more selfish and negative than you thought, perhaps it’s time to show yourself some value and end things because you deserve better. If he really is a man of high character, then I suggest grabbing coffee or taking a walk with him and sharing with him how you feel. He may not even realize what he’s been doing & how his attitude is affecting you.)

— or —

2. “He is so sweet towards me and loves me well, but I just don’t know why he would like ME. I’m afraid one day he will realize that he could find someone way better and prettier than me.”

(You are unique & have gifts inside that only you have to offer — how SPECIAL you are! Ask God to show you both how much He loves you & WHY He loves you. Choosing to think little of yourself will steal the PEACE from dating your sweet boy. No amount of “I’ll love you forever” or “you are the most beautiful woman in the world” will bring you true self-confidence. Only by choosing to believe what God says about you will you have the confidence that resides deep in your gut. The kind that makes you smile after being dumped because you know your worth and that your identity is still “LOVED” and “SPECIAL”. It’s time to change the way you think about yourself. I could go on and on about this one. Perhaps I’ll have to expand more in another post…)

I think that constant heart checks are in order if you want to walk through dating healthily. It’s good to know these things so we can deal with them & move on towards a healthier self! Don’t let insecurity rob the joy of this season, cause it doesn’t have to! It’s EXCITING to have the opportunity to spend time with another person and learn what’s in their heart! I remember dating my now-husband & feeling all the butterflies whenever I saw him. We dated long-distance so each day we had together in person was extra special. I am so grateful for our 6 hour long facetimes as we dreamed about our future, asked hard questions, and opened up our hearts to one another – for the exciting Friday night drives to pick him up from the airport – for the gifts he left me whenever I dropped him back off – for the random & spontaneous adventures we took. I had so much FUN dating him! I definitely had my fair share of insecurities and fears arise, but I didn’t hesitate to deal with them & move on! I am so grateful that I did not let anything steal the ABUNDANCE of joy, peace, and excitement that came with dating Ethan!

We went on a romantic hike to a waterfall … with my family hahaha. Hey that just comes with dating an Armstrong!

Can’t say I actually know why I made this face… but hey, this is real life haha. I am pretty sure we spent a solid 700+ hours facetiming. I am grateful for this because we were able to establish a foundation of honest and deep communication as we got to know each other from across the country!

Just about every time Ethan came for a visit he took me on a motorcycle cruise (thanks mom for letting us borrow your bike). These were the BEST!

  Typically, we would spend 2 days together every 3-6 weeks!  This pic was taken when I dropped him back off at the airport to head back to MN after a super fun weekend together. Gotta (not) love those airport goodbyes. I do have to admit that not many things are as exciting as picking up your best friend from the airport after weeks apart!

May you enjoy the ABUNDANCE in this season, no matter the outcome. Keep your attitude light & your talks deep. 🙂

XOXO

Sammy Kastello