First dates can be a hodgepodge of excitement, nerves, fears, hope, possibilities, & uncertainties – they are pretty much like an interview. I first want to say that there needn’t be ANY pressure on a first date. By the end of the date you don’t need to choose whether or not you’re going to marry the other person lol. It’s just an opportunity to get to know a heart a little more. Then you can go from there 🙂 But when you value yourself & know that you are a prize to be won, there are a few practical things you can know & do that can help save you the heartache of having to date for months or years before realizing he isn’t the one for you. Now, I’m not saying you’ll know if he IS the one on the first date, but by doing these things it’ll be easier for you to know if he IS NOT the one for you.
- You must go into the date knowing who you are & how valuable you are – your value doesn’t come from the attention of a man. You are valuable, beautiful, special & a prize to be won simply because God made you unique and precious–and I don’t just say that because it sounds good, that is the TRUTH of who you are no matter what you’ve done or gone through. You have so much more to offer than just your outward beauty. It is so so important that you know how valuable you are, so you can have a standard set for how you are to be treated.
- Let your personality show – they want to get to know you; take a breath, let (or make;)) yourself relax, and just do you. Choose to be confident. Don’t try to pretend to have a personality that you think they would like. You gotta just be real & genuine.
- Ask good questions – what are their values? What are they passionate about? What are some of the biggest things they have learned in their life? What is their family like? What are some goals they have in life? Most importantly, do they value what you value? (ex. if you love God, do they also love Him & have a genuine heart to know God and walk in His plan for their life?)
- Let him treat you like a lady – Let him open the door for you, both the car door & the door into the restaurant. If he doesn’t, just stand outside the door & wait. I’ve literally done this several times… sometimes men just need to be reminded! Lol. One time, my date got into the car & I just waited outside my door. He leaned over and looked at me through the window, confused. He then rolled down the window and asked, “you coming?” I smiled and responded, “I’d like to, I just didn’t know I had to open up my own door!” It made for a good laugh for the both of us as he unbuckled, and came around to open up my door. He didn’t forget to open any doors the rest of the date;) This may sound old fashioned, but men opening up doors (as well as paying for coffee and food) show women honor and value. You can still smile & be sweet all the while expecting him to value you… and I’ll bet you find that he will. Some men just need some training & won’t even think to open the car door for you unless they see it’s expected. After they do, give them a genuine smile & “thank you”. We really have to set the standard for how we are treated. This also gives the man the opportunity to be a gentleman, which always makes them feel good and masculine if they step up to the challenge. If they see that you’d like them to open up doors for you but instead make a joke of it and don’t actually show you that honor, then that is a total red flag!!
- If you want to go out on another date, say so – If you’re keeping your eyes open then its likely that by the end of the date you will know whether or not you want to go out on a second date & if you do, be brave & be honest. You don’t have to pour your heart and love and admiration out, just genuinely share “Honestly, I’ve really enjoyed our time together. I would love to continue to get to know you!” Simple as that. The guy may be completely clueless as to whether or not you want to go out again! And if you’re just not feeling anything more than friendship, you can just thank them for the fun time!
- Be conservative with physical affection – You want to get to know them & give them the opportunity to get to know you without involving hormones. Those will come soon enough anyways lol! Attraction and desire is totally normal! But it is vital that we have self-control and get to know a person’s heart before getting to know their body (post on this coming later!).
So there ya go! A few first date must-dos. If you have any questions at all, you can totally shoot me an email (on my “contact me” page). I am so for you walking in an abundance of peace, joy, and hope as you date! <3
Have a wonderful week! & If any of you are going on a date this week, I hope you are empowered to value yourself, be confident, & just have fun!
XOXO
Sammy Kastello
Side note- ladies, don’t be afraid to ask a guy out on a “date” out to coffee or whatnot. If there is a guy that you are interested in getting to know more, tell him! You’re not “pursuing” him by intentionally communicating your desire to get to know him. And then at the end of that date, I’d say that it’s now his turn to pursue you. 🙂
The day Ethan asked me to be his girlfriend <3
Our first date as a “couple” – he took me out to the Melting Pot. YUM!
Our second date – double date with my parents!
